I had a dream where Freyja came to me and let me shapeshift with her falcon cloak. I was intrigued by the possibilities of this new aspect of my practice. So I decided to do a seidr session to see what I could find out about this.
So I got myself into a trance and asked for a visit from Freyja. Soon enough she came. I told her I wanted to learn about shapeshifting. So she summoned three animals — a hawk, a rabbit and a snake. She asked me to pick an animal to become. So. I chose rabbit because I figured soft and furry and cute. I like that. And the other two choices seemed too severe for me. So I told her rabbit. So gave me a look and said “Are you sure?” And I told her I was sure. She just shrugged her shoulders and threw a rabbit pelt on the ground. “Put that on” she said.
So I put the pelt on my head. Instantly I was a rabbit. I started eating a dandelion. Everything was nice and calm. Then suddenly the snake slithers up and bites me. And I feel the pain. One second after that the hawk flies over and grabs me. And takes off.
Now I’m flying through the air in this hawk’s talons. I can feel the pain where the hawk has grabbed me. I’m thinking about how this is not a good turn of events! We get to a nest and the hawk drops me in. And starts to eat me.
I’m frantically trying to get away. But I realize that even if I manage to get away from the hawk I’m high up in a tree. I would fall and die that way. So I’m dead no matter what. Great!
As I feel the pain of being eaten I have decided to give myself over to my wyrd. Not much else I can do. It’s a good day to die I guess.
The hawk finishes devouring me. It flies away. But wait! On the ground is a hunter. He spies the hawk and draws his bow and aims and shoots. Inside the belly of the hawk I feel the arrow finding its spot. The hawk drops to the ground dead.
The hunter slices the belly of the hawk open. And suddenly I am whole and fine and scramble out. I scamper off. I’m alive and I’m free! But now my fur is a different color. Before the ordeal I was a white rabbit. Now I’m black. But I could care less. I’m free!
In the air in front of me I see a blazing red Berkano. I come out of trance suddenly. It’s over.
Whew! Intense to say the least. Especially the pain. Too much pain. If this is what shapeshifting means maybe it’s not for me! More likely I think this was a one time ordeal Freyja decided I needed to go through. Maybe to show I’m serious about this whole thing. Maybe to make me more aware. I’m not sure.
It sure gives me much to think about and meditate on.
Beware what you do! Sometimes it really hurts!
For years I knew that on my path I was supposed to be honoring my ancestors. But the thing about the ancestors I had direct experience with was that at best they could be described as grumpy. At worst they were abusive. So I wasn’t too hepped on honoring them.
Then one day it occurred to me to try an experiment. I decided to try to make a list of any positive things I could remember about them. So I got out a piece of paper and started writing. The list went like this — always provided for his family, was deeply intuned with nature and its cycles, taught me about self discipline, took me to the Ice Capades in a blizzard. If I tried it wasn’t hard to make a list.
This was a real eye opener for me. My experience of their memories had been so overwhelmingly negative for so long. So I took some time focusing my thoughts on the items on my list. Soon enough I felt able to honor them in ritual.
I started making a point to honor them in ritual on a regular basis. Next thing I know they’re coming to me in trance sessions and offering good solid advice and helping me in all my spiritual problems. My dad even came to me and helped point me towards a place to get a proper gand for my work! He had rarely been that helpful in life!
So that’s what I did for the ones I had personally known. For those who were just names on my family tree it was easy to imagine them in a positive way (even though in all of their photos they looked grumpy!).
This really worked for me. I now have an actual new relationship with them. A better relationship than I had had with them when they were in this realm. And it helps bring fullness to my spiritual life like I had never had before.
I have some thurses I have to deal with all the time. They appear as self doubt. I have some pretty destructive tapes that it’s very easy to play in regards to my vitki work. Am I making this all up? Is it really the gods I’m communicating with? Am I doing this the right way? And the big one — am I crazy to think I’m a vitki at all?
Not conducive thoughts for doing the work at hand. So how to deal with them?
The first thing I do to battle these thurses is to drag out my notebooks. I keep a notebook of all the rune readings and seidr sessions I do. That way I can monitor my progress. Reviewing them and reminding myself of past successes always shifts my mindset.
If that doesn’t do the trick I do a ritual. I light candles and incense. I pray. I focus my mind on gratitude for the gods presence in my life. I remind myself that I have created relationships with the divine. And it’s not made up when they communicate with me.
Then I turn to the runes. I ask the Norns for guidance. Normally the results of a rune reading will really kick the thurses in the butt and out of my mind. My previous experiences with the runes and the wisdom I’ve gained through my readings are pretty powerful medicine. That’s why the notebooks come in handy!
If that still hasn’t done the trick I’ll do a seidr session. Communicating with the other realms reminds me that this is but one realm and others are busy fighting their own thurses. There’s strength in knowing the battle is being fought by others. And sometimes we win!
So if I do all of that I can destroy the thurse invasion. It’s a lot of work but it’s worth it. Of course I wish the thurses would go away for good but every so often they show up. I just battle them with a barrage of vitki tools and they’re gone. For today!
So what do I believe about the gods? It’s kinda complicated but I will try to get my view across.
I believe the gods are of two natures. One is outside of ourselves The other is within.
Outside I believe they are entities to be honored. I do this through ritual and personally building relationships with them. I do believe they take an active interest in the goings on of Midgard. I don’t believe they’re Santa Claus meant to fulfill our every whim. I do believe they communicate with those who actively pursue a right relationship with them.
Inside I believe they are expressions of the collective unconsciousness. Archetypes. They help us explain our multiverse. They are inside all of us. They wait patiently for us to take the clues they send and use them to our benefit. They are vibrant as long as we pay attention to them.
So I guess that’s what I believe in a nutshell. Full of holes I’m sure but I am not perfect. I’m just following a path like everyone. Sometimes I get glimmers of inspiration. Sometimes I flail about in the dark. But I’m always moving!
About a year ago it dawned on me that my spiritual practices were way outta whack. I was relying almost exclusively on masculine energy — in studying the runes (which I had considered to be an analytical pursuit) — and woefully lacking in feminine energies. About that time my mind turned to seidr for a reason beyond me. So I started reading up on that. I decided to incorporate more feminine energy on my altar. I decided to include goddesses and disir in my blots. Basically give feminine energies a place in my life.
At first it was rough going. After 20 years of studying the runes switching gears to seidr was hard! I guess everything had become wired a certain way and it had to be redone from scratch. But I was determined. So I kept at it. Every day I would devote time not to just the runes but also seidr.
After a couple of months I started to see results. I was going into trance easier. The quality of my meditations increased. I thought to focus my attention on Freyja since she is the queen bee of seidr. Suddenly I was getting images and visions during trance. I was finding myself more balanced in my daily life (not easy for someone with MS LOL). My relationships became richer and deeper. All the aspects of my life seemed to be touched.
As I’ve been doing this new balancing act for awhile I can say the overall results are amazing! Simply by switching my focus a bit to be more inclusive I have reaped rewards I never thought possible. Including feminine deities into my spiritual practices. Studying seidr. Even my rune studies have become more reliant on intuition. Everything is seen through new glasses. I can’t wait to find out what happens next!